Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thursday Things

I have a bunch of random crap in my head that I need somewhere do here it is...

  • Been tracking on MyFitnessPal the last few weeks, and while I love the program and am doing great at tracking, I'm not doing so good at staying within my calories for the day.  I put myself at wanting to lose a half a pound a week because that feels like a good amount for me as I am okay with what I weigh now and am in no hurry or dire need to get the few pounds I put on last year back off.  I liked how on WW I had "Weeklies" to use when I go over my daily allotment.  I wish I had the same on MFP because I go over each day. Some days by a lot, and some days by a little. But it all adds up.
  • I'm really irritated at Weight Watchers right now and I don't know if this is still left over random hormonal rage or real annoyance.  I'm only a few ounces away from my Lifetime weight so with minor effort I could get to where it was free for me again and start going back.  But I just don't want to.  I'm not going to detail out why I am mad mostly because it is ridiculous, but also because my rant will hurt some people's feelings. I haven't yet sorted out my anger into a way that is only directed at the company so until I do, I will keep it to myself.  I still love the program, and I know that it works and is an amazing system that I will continue to recommend to everyone who wants to lose weight and get healthy.
  • Finally bought an elliptical last night. As my treadmill is in storage, and I have completely lost all interest in running, this seemed like a good way for me to get some activity in. The only problem is that we currently have no room for it in the house where we are living.  Some drastic changes to our living arrangement needs to be made in order for it to fit in our room.  These changes are out of my control as it isn't my house or my crap that is in the way.
  • Speaking of living situations...looks like we aren't buying a house any time soon. Nor does it look like the MIL will be moving out any time soon.  While I am disappointed with both scenarios, I understand the reasons and I am coping with the fact that all of this is also out of my control and I just have to have patience.  For right now, I take each day as it comes and deal the best I can.
  • My emotions have finally calmed down from the hormonal roller coaster I have been on the last few weeks.  The extreme rage and random tears really freaked me out.  It's nice to have my body & mind back in my control again.  I'm still saddened by the situation, but I've come to terms with it and I feel okay.  The support I received from everyone on Twitter was amazing and that really helped. I can't even begin to explain how much it helped. (Support from the real people in my life? Well that's a different story completely that I won't get into. Some of them were fantastic..and others behaved "par for the course"). Today marks 2 weeks from my hospital visit. In 2 months we can try again. Not that we tried before. I've cut myself off from margaritas until then, just to be safe.
  • I have a serious shoe crush right now. It's bad. I can't stop thinking about them, but I am too cheap to actually buy them.  I have hated boat shoes for years and years because I have this irrational feeling that unless you own a boat they are silly.  But then I realized I own ballet flats, but don't do ballet. Plus I need a sturdy pair of flats that are cute, pair with socks, and aren't boring.  They come in other colors. Right now, I love the white, but I would also like the pink, silver, and purple

  • I've been spending money like crazy lately so I need to hold back on silly purchases like glittery shoes for a while. Well, at least until the check clears from paying off my credit card that we used on vacation.
  • I have changed my address with every place that has it, and yet mail still goes to the old house. Yesterday I emailed 2 people confirming the new address. I resisted the urge to type "For the SECOND TIME, here is my new address...".  I feel like a lot of things are getting lost in the mail and it is stressing me out. We used to get a ton of mail at the old house and now we get like one or two things every other day. That can't be right.
  • I should post more often with random bullet points of crap in my brain. Mostly because it feels nice, but also so that I have less to dump on my few readers. Likely no one has even gotten this far into my rambling, so I guess it doesn't matter.  I post here for me anyway.
  • I can't remember what else I had to bitch about.  I guess that's a good thing!

Monday, January 7, 2013

2012 in review & other rambling...

I know this is a week late...I was a week late last year too. I don't give a crap. This is my blog, I do what I want! :)

2012 was a big year for me. Lots of ups & downs and big changes.  2013 hasn't started out that great either.  Hopefully it gets better.

Let's start with reviewing my goals fro 2012 before I get into that though...

2012 Goals:
1)  Get back to my "Happy Weight" and stay there! None of this up and down shit.  HA!! Yea, right! Up and down like whoa!  But stayed pretty much in the same weight range, didn't get to the "Happy Weight" just at "goal weight" which is fine.
2)  Maintain my 4.0 GPA  NOPE! Got a B in International Dynamics which I didn't deserve. That pissed me off enough that I managed a B+ in Ethics and an A- in Operations Management.  I graduated with a 3.905 which I fine by me!
3) Run the 8k Shamrock Run (not the 15k like I really want, I am just not ready...maybe 2013) - March Done!
4)  Race for the Roses 5k- April (Found out they have a 10k...thinking on this one...) Nope. School got in the way. But I did to the Bridge to Brews 10k in early May,the Rum Run 10kin late May, and the Lacamas Lake 4 miler in June.
5) Personal - May Done - but in June. (I had my IUD taken out...more on this later.)
6) Portland to Coast - August - Maybe...I don't have a team this year.  I need to find one Done! Found an LDS team that let me join! It was a blast!
7) Race for the Cure 5k - September Nope. Haven't hit the pavement since June. (More on this later.)
8) Graduate from College - December DONE!!
9)  Go to Cleveland for Christmas - December  DONE!!
10)  Race for the Cure - September Nope...wait...isn't this #7? I'm dumb.
11) Blog at least once a month HA! Yea right!
12) Finally convince the folks at Weight Watchers to fly me to New York and make me an official Success Story. (yea,yea, this one is a LONG shot...but a girl can dream, right?) Epic FAIL!!
13) Attend a Weight Watchers meeting AT LEAST once a month, earning a new Key in December.  NOPE.

So there it is, a moderately successful year. A lot of other things happened in 2012 too.  We also sold our house and almost bought another one.  Yep, you read that right. Almost.  The deal fell through the day of closing. Due to no fault of our own and some bad advice from our Agent and Mortgage Broker we now live in the spare bedroom or my Mother in Law's house with all of our belongings in storage and no possibility of getting another home loan for 5 years.  It's awesome (sarcasm).  No clue what we are going to do yet.  The Man doesn't want to rent and I can't live with the MIL for much longer. Right now it looks like she will move into a senior community and let us have the house as it is paid off and part of the Man's inheritance anyway. If that happens Man & I will pay her rent as compensation for living in the house. For now, I am thoroughly enjoying having no bills to pay.

The move is part of the reason I stopped running. I am full of bullshit and excuses and I could totally find a way to run again if I really wanted to, but I don't. My Garmin is packed some place in storage. I know I need to get back on the pavement again, but I just haven't reached that point yet where I actually do it. Also, I want to buy an elliptical. I hate the elliptical in a good way. I got rid of my gym membership when we moved as one wasn't by the house and I regret that now. I miss yoga & the elliptical.  I need to remedy this situation pronto. I have the money...just not the room for an elliptical right now. Hopefully soon.

Just a few weeks after we moved in with the MIL, I found out I was pregnant.  Man & I hadn't planned on "trying" until the new year, but that plan fell through...literally.  I quit wine, coffee & Weight Watchers (my 3 favorite things) right away.  Long story short, my ultrasound this morning showed no heartbeat, and no baby.  We knew this might happen and I am okay. We had an ultrasound a few weeks back that didn't look good, so this was a follow up appt that turned out how we expected.  I need to have a D&C next week which terrifies me for some reason. Family & friends are really shocked. Many of them never expected me to ever want a baby so they were pretty floored when the got the news that I was pregnant to begin with. Then this second blow hit them pretty hard too.  Man is a mess about it. It's sad because before this pregnancy he was 110% certain he never wanted a baby. He is ready to try again whenever I am. I just don't know when that will be yet.

The outpouring of love and support I have gotten from everyone today has been amazing.  It makes a tough situation even easier to digest. Everyone has offered support in any form. I get text & phone calls asking if I need or want anything and it warms my heart.  I know I am not the first nor the last woman to go thru this and that none of this is my fault. Knowing I don't have to go thru this alone is a blessing.

I don't really have any plans for 2013 yet. I just want to take it as it comes. 

Not sure if I will get back on the Weight Watchers band wagon just yet. I may just stick to MyFitnessPal when my weight gets higher than it should. If that doesn't work, I will get right back into a WW meeting though you can count on that!  I know what works and what is real, and Weight Watchers is it for me.  I just don't have it in me to go back right now.

For now, I just want to get my house situation in order and my job situation upgraded. The rest can just fall into place as it wants to.

God has a plan for me and my family.  I trust Him and love Him with all that I have. (Sorry, I usually keep my faith of the internets, but during a time like can't be helped.)

Love to you all!  May your 2013 be filled with love and laughter like I hope mine will be!