Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm Struggling...

I have been writing this post in my head for a while now.  I just haven't had the guts to actually write it and announce that I am struggling. (Hence why I haven't posted since April either.)

A lot has happened in the last few months which has led up to my current struggles.

School kept me really busy, but I managed straight A's.  

My birthday was the end of May and I turned....30...ugh.  

I bought myself a fancy running nerd-bag to hold water bottles and my inhaler, and my husband got my a fancy Garmin 305.  I spent a lot of June outside running, but didn't improve my time or distance so I got discouraged and haven't gone on a serious run in weeks.

Needless to say, my eating has been total garbage.  I am out of control.  If I see it, I eat it.  ALL OF IT.  In the beginning of June my weight hit my "Scary Number" so I signed back up for Weight Watchers E-Tools so I can track my eating.  Since then, I have been excellent at tracking Monday thru Thursday.  Then Friday hits....and....all Hell breaks loose.  I am not kidding.  Two weeks ago, I tracked on Monday the damage I did over the weekend and ended up being 67 Points Plus in the whole.  I haven't tracked what I ate this weekend, but let me tell you, it wasn't good.  (Friday night was a BAG of Milano cookies, a JAR of salsa with chips, and HALF of a Family Sized Papa Murphy's D-lite pizza.)

The Red line is my "Happy Weight", the Green line is my "In My Dreams" Weight.  My current weight is 0.6lbs over my "Goal" weight.

I am miserable right now.  I don't know what my problem is and I don't know how to fix it.  I used to be the queen of not putting things in my mouth I didn't have the points for.  And now it doesn't even seem o matter to me.  My pants are tight.  I feel gross.  And yet, I can't stop myself.  

I don't know what to do.  

I am scared.

I am struggling.

I need help.