Monday, December 3, 2012

18 days to go!!

Time is just flying by!

Graduation is in 12 days, vacation starts in 18 days!!  I'm so tired both physically and emotionally that I am ready to get on the plane and relax.

I have sort of stalled on my plans to lose the last few pounds before vacation. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just keep eating.

I only gained .2 this week which isn't terrible, but no the direction I need to be going.

It doesn't help any that so far today I have eaten 2 slices of pizza, half a brownie, and 3 cookies.

I have some minor personal drama that I recently learned about that may be the culprit for my stall.  I won't get into that right now, but stay tuned for future updates.

My only plan for this week is to be super mindful of everything I put into my mouth.  At this point there is no possible way I will reach the weight I had intended by my deadline.  I'm not giving up, I just know myself and my calendar.  Too much going on that is unfortunately centered around food.

My graduation banquet is on Friday and the menu is already selected for that. I have pizza scheduled for lunch all this week due to leftovers from Sunday (Small pieces, loaded with veggies & chicken, but still pizza).  I ate all the ice cream that was in the house last night, so that's no longer a worry.  It's all the work snacks that will do me in.  Next week is my graduation party and the menu I planned is pretty light, but Brie will be in attendance so that will be an issue.  Also the cake I ordered is amazing and I will have to indulge in that.

We will see what happens.  I'm pretty much over it.  I just want to be done with work and school for a while. I don't care if I weigh 145 pounds or 245 pounds....I just need a damn vacation!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

26 days and counting...

Vacation is less than a month away.  I cannot express how much I am in need of it. I'm losing my mind and need a break. Like whoa.

Anyway, the plan to get back on track was a moderate success.

Monday: On plan, did small exercises before bed.

Tuesday: On plan (challenged with cake, but re-adjusted my food plans to accommodate a small slice), did small exercises before bed.

Wednesday: On plan (had wine and snacked on Velveeta while prepping for Thanksgiving). No exercise.

Turkey-Day: Didn't track.  Only had one serving of each item on the table. Servings were "one scoop" and I went heavy on the turkey. Had 3 bites of apple pie. Lots of wine. Exercise was standing in line for an hour at Target with the husband buying video games.

Friday: Didn't track. Sat in bed and ate small portions of whatever I felt like having...which included potato chips, frozen cookie dough, twizzlers, and cheese. No exercise.

Saturday: Didn't track. Ate okay though. No exercise.

Sunday: Didn't track. Ate okay. No exercise.

And the result?  Scale said 152.2 this morning! Down 2! Not bad!

The food plan for this week:

Monday: Usual Bfast, turkey sammie for lunch, bratwurst with green beans & pierogie for dinner.
Tuesday: Usual Bfast, turkey sammie for lunch, salad at school for dinner, glass of wine after.
Wednesday: Usual Bfast, turkey sammie for lunch, turkey soup for dinner
Thursday: Usual Bfast, Pad Thai?, upside down nachos for dinner
Friday: Usual Bfast, turkey sammie for lunch, undecided on dinner.
Saturday: ???

Other items of interest that I am thinking about today:
1) Pissed at Jessica Simpson for her "Smoothie Cleanse" while promoting Weight Watchers
2) Ordering my shoes for graduation. So hot.
3) Still need a dress for graduation.
4) Pick up graduation regalia on Tuesday. SUPER pissed that I didn't get into the honor's program.
5) Drafting a strongly worded letter to the owner of the real estate agency that my agent belongs to.
6) PMS sucks ass. I have the angries like whoa.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Vacation Countdown = Time to Focus!

On my last post I mentioned how school and moving have been keeping me crazy busy. I also mentioned that my eating and weight were "under moderate control" and that once the move was over I would go back to my routine again.  Well that was a big effing lie.

As those who follow on Twitter already know, the purchase of our dream house fell through in the final hours. I'm not going to go into detail about it because I just don't want to. I've dealt with those emotions and moved on. Nothing can be done to change it or make it better, it just is what it is.  We are currently living in the master bedroom of my Mother in Law's house which I am eternally grateful for.  We plan to start looking for another house in January when things calm down. (I had a full plate of Eggs Benedict with hash browns for lunch and a Kit-Kat bar for breakfast if anyone feels like calculating my day out in it's entirety.)

Because I am huge on routine, and we are still living out of boxes and suitcases I have been using that as an excuse to just put whatever food I can find into my mouth. I am now 2.5lbs into the "Overweight" category of my BMI and 2.5lbs above my Lifetime weight for Weight Watchers.  Which puts me a grand total of 9.2lbs above the weight I am comfortable at.  I hate it.  I officially feel gross. My pants are tight. They zip and button, but it isn't flattering. I'm self conscious and uncomfortable. I'm unhappy with my naked self.

And then last happened....

I ate an ENTIRE Large Pepperoni pizza from Papa Murphy's. By myself.  I ate it so fast and with such fury that my wonderful husband didn't have a chance to grab a piece and was forced to make himself a separate dinner as I ate ours in its entirety.  For those of you interested, I ate 74 Points Plus worth of pizza in under 10 minutes and I washed it down with a beer.

I am now humiliated and horrified by my behaviour. This HAS to stop. And it HAS to stop now.

I have made fake-ass attempts at getting back on track for the last few weeks.  The first week I tracked one day, the second I tracked 3 days, and last week I tracked 1.  I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in a month.

In 32 days I get on a plane and fly home to Ohio to see friends and family whom I haven't seen in years. Last they saw me I weighed about 175. Impressing them with my skinny-ass isn't important. I just want to FEEL good about myself in my clothes. After a week in Cleveland we are taking a road trip to Disney World where I want to walk around feeling great and eating what I want without guilt.

I have spent most of the day going back and forth between thinking about homework and thinking about how chubby I am and have come up with the following plan:
  1. Lose 8lbs by the time I step on the plane on the 21st.  That's 5 weeks/32 days away. 1.6lbs per week is doable and healthy. (It would be 1.84/week for the 9.2 but that just seemed scary.)
  2. Track EVERY DAY - no excuses and honestly
  3. Do some sort of activity EVERY DAY - no excuses
    1. Find workout videos to do on the internet
    2. Since my Garmin is lost in storage - map our a walk/run route in the neighborhood
  4. I wrote on my hand the number of pounds I want to lose in a Mickey to keep my mind on my goals. (Likely moving it to my wrist as it is drawing unwanted attention from coworkers.)
  5. Thanksgiving can kiss my fat ass. I can eat that junk any time of the year so there is NO reason to overindulge.  I will have small portions, drink responsibly, and pass on the pumpkin pie (yuck!).
  6. Other events coming up I have to worry about regarding food:  Graduation Banquet, Graduation Party, Work Holiday Party 1, Work Holiday Party 2, Work Holiday Party 3. Individual plans will be developed closer to those event dates.
  7. Blog weekly about my success/failures.
  8. Discuss plan with Man & ask him to help hold me accountable.
I can do this. I have to. I'm amazing.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Is it December yet?

I have been neglecting the Internet a lot lately because my life is so out of control I needed to cut something out to make space. 

My life is still a mess and I feel completely out of control.  Which is odd because I have every last detail planned and organized to get me through all this.

School is almost over and getting really overwhelming.  If I didn't graduate in less than 2 months I might consider dropping out. I had a HUGE project due Monday. Of course I have know about it for over a year and waited to the last minute to work on it. I got it done on time and am just waiting for the grade on it. I should be okay, but if not...I don't graduate.  I lost my 4.0 a few months back and haven't been the same since.  After I recovered from my first B, I got my second one....3.8 GPA right now. Whatever.  Finishing up Organizational Ethics, then I take Strategic Management..then I get my diploma.  December 15th can't come soon enough, let me tell you!

As those of you who follow me on Twitter know (those of you from Facebook or real life might not know) we are in the process of moving.  We sold our house and have to be out by the end of October.  We are in the process of buying a new house and if all goes well we close on that early November.  Right now my house is about 80% empty.  We just have our clothes, bed, couch, TV and basic necessities.  It sucks. Even my pantry is packed into storage. We are eating our way through the contents of our fridge and freezer. We hope to be completely out of the house this weekend and will crash at my Mother in Law's place until we can move into the new house.  Words cannot express enough how excited I am for that one...let me tell you.  Of course there is lots of drama with the whole deal, but I won't get into it.  The house we are moving into really is our dream home and that is all that matters.  All of this struggle and drama will be worth it in the end.

I haven't been to a Weight Watchers meeting since June (?).  My free Lifetime status has expired and I am just enough over my goal weight that I am to embarrassed to go weigh in.  I am now paying for the online tools, that I am not using.  My weight has been pretty steady, but slowly creeping up little by little.  I'm in moderate control so I'm not too stressed about it.  I keep promising myself when my life settles down and I can get my routine back I will start tracking, going to meetings, and being a good Weight Watcher. But until then...I will eat all the food.

I am also not running.  Or walking.  Or doing any physical activity other than packing and moving.  I haven't since June.  I feel terrible about it.  I cancelled my gym membership today which made me feel like total shit.  I honestly cannot remember the last time I hauled my ass to the gym.  I didn't cancel my membership because of that though.  Where we are moving is not near the gym.  Also, I will be turning the 4th bedroom in the basement into my home gym.  I plan to sell my treadmill to buy an elliptical as soon as we move.  I prefer to run outside and find that the ellipti-suck is a better work out when trapped in doors.  I get less bored.  I will also be setting up some floor mats and a TV/DVD player so that I can do work out videos.  I'm actually pretty excited about it.  Setting up my own little gym sanctuary will be fun.  Hopefully I use it.

I might be cutting the Internet back out again for a while.  I dunno.  I'm struggling.  I hate politics and football and that is all anyone seems to be talking about.  I'm also struggling with some anger/jealousy issues that I need to deal with.  I need to get into a better mental space.  Usually my Internet friends help me with that, but it doesn't seem to be the case lately.

Sorry this isn't as funny as my usual updates and that there are no pictures.  I'm super boring.  Ya'll are lucky you got even this much out of me.  Seriously.  I should be packing....or doing homework...or push ups.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

On the outside, looking in

I had an odd train of thought on my commute into work this morning that I needed to get out of my system.  For those of you that are here for my usual weight loss/maintenance ramblings, this isn't about that at all.  (In fact, this blog may stop being about that as my weight isn't really a key focus of my life any more. My ups and downs with 2-4 lbs isn't really that fascinating.)

I was at a work event yesterday an I noticed that I spent just about the entire thing with my back to a wall watching other people in groups having conversations.  Occasionally I would approach people and start talking, but only once did someone come to me.  I was thinking about this and wondering why it happens since I am usually a really outgoing person.  I felt like I didn't belong there and that I had nothing to say to any of the people, and obviously they had nothing to say to me which is why they were at a distance.

Somehow I got on a mental tangent and started thinking about all the times in my past where I have felt like an outsider looking in on others in a group.  The number of examples I came up with is staggering.  And the fact that I still feel emotional about these events means that I have some pretty big demons still left to battle.

The first example I can think of is in elementary school. I was in Brownie troop #809 and my mom was our leader. We met after school every week. My mom taught things like sewing, crafts, first aid, outdoor skills, and cooking. I had so much fun. I loved every minute of it. Then one week, I walked into the meeting room to see only my mom. My world crumbled. The other girls in my troop had quit and formed their own troop. Every. Single. Girl.  I was left troopless and alone.  I was in 3rd grade. I didn't understand. I still don't.  Not one of the girls ever spoke to me about why they quit. I still don't know.  I went with out a troop for the next 3 years.  Eventually I joined another troop of girls that went to a different school as me.  Since I was the new girl and they all had bonded already, I was left out on a lot.  It didn't take long for me to quit that troop and go back to being alone. I'm not kidding. I was a girl scout for 12 years. I earned EVERY badge. I earned the Silver Award my Junior year of high school.  Of those 12 years, I was in a "troop" for 5.

Another example was the church I grew up in. I went every Sunday for 15 years. I earned perfect attendance for Sunday School just about every year. I participated in Choir, played hand bells, and attended a weekly youth group. I tried SO hard for all the kids there to like me. It never worked. I never fit in with them. I still don't. Once we went on a overnight trip to another church for a bible study. I felt so lonely and left out that I went into the church van to cry.  I fell asleep in the van, woke up there the next one noticed I was gone.

The soccer team I was on in 2nd grade didn't invite me to the awards banquet. My mom pitched a FIT to the head of the league.  Coach had to apologize to me. I never played soccer again. Which was for the best as I SUCKED at soccer. I used to get bored and sit the goal box....during a game.

I joined Explorer Scouts (Do they still exist?) in 9th grade. My troop leader noticed me on the sidelines and for the first time ever and asked me what was going on. I told her I didn't think the other kids liked me. She stopped the activity and pulled everyone into a huddle with me in front. I remember clear as a bell one of the guys whispered loudly to the kid next to him "Oh great, now we have to pretend we like her so we don't get in trouble." Everyone laughed. I promptly quit the troop.

In high school, I hung out with the band geeks....but I wasn't in the band.

My freshman year of college, I had 2 roommates move out on me in one semester. Spent the rest of the year in a double room by myself.

I've thrown parties and had no one show up.

I've never been, nor asked to be a bridesmaid.

My family sucks. Seriously...the only coming and goings I find out are from Facebook. I've actually had the following conversation with my husband several times:

Him: Why is your (brother/father/cousin) in (state/country/city)?
Me: I didn't know they were. Where did you see that?
Him: Posted it on FB an hour ago.
Me: one tells me anything.
Him: Don't be sad, Love. I tell you everything.

They've "forgotten" to invite me to events. One relation called my husband a few weeks ago. Spoke to him for like 20 minutes.  I can't remember the last time I spoke to that relation. Another relation flew in to visit the family 3 hours from me, I found out about the trip on FB the day after this person arrived in town. When I asked if I could join the visit (as I hadn't seen think person in about 5 years) I was told "There will be too many people if you come, maybe next time". I wasn't told about it the next time, and when I found out after I got the "Oh, you didn't know about it?" response.

It used to bother me when The Bitches would whisper about going out for drinks after work. Mostly because I was never invited out. It took a while, but I finally stopped being butt-hurt about it after reminding myself repeatedly how much I hate them.  Then I started inviting out people I DO like for drinks and that make me feel better, especially when they reciprocated and invited me out.

My whole life I have wanted to be part of a crowd. To feel wanted and accepted. Get invited to events. Have people to invite to events. Just be social, with out feeling like a stranger.  I've tried SO hard for so long to no avail. I have lived in this area for 12 years, and my longest friendship is with my husband (7 years next month).  I've thought about having BBQ's or game nights...but then I tried to make up a guest list and gave up.

Maybe I am over dramatizing but all around me I see people in groups. Doing things, going places, talking, laughing, just plain having fun. I don't have a group. I've never had a group.  I want a group. How the fuck to I get a group?

I feel like a total twat for whining about all this...

Tuesday, July 31, 2012


I randomly decided to make lists of things. Don't ask me why. I like lists. I'm weird.

10 things I won't eat:
  1. Eggplant
  2. Squash (not including yellow squash or zucchini)
  3. Curry seasoning
  4. Oysters
  5. Veal
  6. Jello
  7. Anything lavender flavored
  8. Artificial cinnamon flavoring
  9. Canned condensed tomato soup
  10. Sweet potatoes

10 things that terrify me:
  1. Jello
  2. Being in water
  3. Trucks carrying rebar
  4. Sudden drop offs (Heights are fine, as long as I am not near the edge)
  5. Movies involving aliens, ghosts, or demons
  6. Death
  7. Cabinet doors left open
  8. Wind blowing through the pine trees in my back yard
  9. The germs that live on escalator hand rails
  10. Unfinished basements

10 things that always make me laugh:
  1. Farts
  2. My inability to open a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese
  3. "That's what she said!"
  4. Shrek
  5. CakeWreks
  6. Mana doooo do do do
  7. The word furburger
  8. Making fun of people I hate to their face in a sarcastic voice so they don't know I am serious.
  9. Taking pictures of myself with an orange peel in my mouth and texting it to my husband.
  10. Getting an instant message asking "Are you there?" and responding "No."

10 things that give me rage:
  1. The Bitches
  2. People who think "alot" is a word. (This is an Alot.)
  3. Turkey bacon
  4. White chocolate
  5. Frivolous helium balloon abuse
  6. Homeless people with pets
  7. Walmart
  8. Time left on a microwave
  9. Emoticons in professional emails
  10. People who don't use their turn signals.
10 things I love to smell:
  1. Lilac
  2. Baking bread
  3. Sharpies/Dry Erase markers/White out
  4. My husbands deodorant
  5. Old books
  6. Coffee beans
  7. Bounce dryer sheets
  8. The ocean
  9. New shoes
  10. My dog after he is groomed.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I need to quit my bitchin'...

The Internet gave me a much needed bitch slap this morning. 

The first thing I do every morning is catch up on what I missed on Twitter while I was sleeping. This morning, while sipping my coffee, eating a croissant with ham & cheese, I read 3 blog posts in a row talking about struggles with weight, both losing and keeping it off.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. My 2 year Thin-aversary is in a WEEK!

For the last year I have been whining and bitching about how I am struggling to get back to my lowest weight a measly little 5lbs from where I am today.

Why am I making such a big deal over this? My pants fit (they aren't even tight). I am within my 2lb Lifetime buffer zone.  I have a "healthy" BMI. I look in the mirror and love what I see.

So why the frack does that number on the scale bother me so much?  Seriously, why?

I'm not running or hitting the gym like I used to. I suck at tracking. If it really meant that much to me to be a certain number on the scale, I would be doing the things I know I need to do. Instead, I am eating moderately healthy, and beating myself up once a week when I step on the scale.

I really think it's okay though. I'm not out of control. Things are where they should be even if it isn't were I want it to be. The few times I have been up in a not so great range, I got it back down almost immediately.

Maybe my desire to be 5lbs lower than where I am at is actually what is helping me stay in the range I need to be in?  I don't know. But what ever is going on is obviously working so I need to STFU and keep doing it.

The point however is this...I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start feeling greatful. I need to not be such a twatwaffle because it could be much worse.

Here is a mid year update on the goals I set for myself in January:

2012 Goals:

1)  Get back to my "Happy Weight" and stay there! None of this up and down shit.:  See above.
2)  Maintain my 4.0 GPA: NOPE...3.9...Got a B in International Dynamics. Don't get me started.
3) Run the 8k Shamrock Run (not the 15k like I really want, I am just not ready...maybe 2013) - March: Done
4)  Race for the Roses 5k- April (Found out they have a 10k...thinking on this one...):  Nope, but did the Bridge to Brews 10k instead
5) Personal - May: Next week....gulp!
6) Portland to Coast - August: Have a team, and race is on schedule!
7) Race for the Cure 5k - September:  Need to register
8) Graduate from College - December:  Still on schedule
9)  Go to Cleveland for Christmas - December:  Plane tickets purchased and added a week in Disney to the end of the trip.
11) Blog at least once a month:  Didn't post in June.
12) Finally convince the folks at Weight Watchers to fly me to New York and make me an official Success Story. (yea,yea, this one is a LONG shot...but a girl can dream, right?):  Not yet, but I will begin drafting my 2 year Thin-aversery email tomorrow for sending on the 19th.
13) Attend a Weight Watchers meeting AT LEAST once a month, earning a new Key in December:  Still on track.

That's all I have for now. Sorry I don't have any pictures. Next month will have a LOT of pictures in the PTC post.

Oh, and I have a race on the 22nd. A 4 miler that I signed up for because it has a race medal. I want a damn medal!  I haven't run since May 27th. I imagine the race will not go well.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

30 days later...

Well, my month of My Fitness Pal is officially over.  I stuck with it and only missed a few days of tracking. 

I have to say, the first week was really tough. I struggled a lot with being hungry.  After the first week, it got easier and by the end of the month, hunger was barely an issue.

I missed eating "free" fruits and veggies quite a bit. One big lesson I learned during this month was that I eat WAY too much fruit. I was eating about 600 calories a day of just fruit/veggies alone. I used to say all the time that no one ever got fat from eating bananas, but as it turns out...I was on my way to doing just that!

Another thing that I learned was that I wasn't tracking honestly on WW. A long time ago I chose to not track my daily coffee w/cream as well as my alcohol consumption. I also didn't track my activity and in my head these two balanced each other out. Turns out that wasn't happening at all. After eating 600 extra calories of fruit, I was drinking an average of 400 calories a night in beer/wine.  (Disclaimer: I didn't drink EVERY night...but when I did drink...I DRANK. Hence why I said "average".) 

I liked that this challenge got me back to weighing and measuring everything I ate. I really was slacking with that the last year. I also liked that my calories burned for each day were cashed in immediately for food. That saved me a lot of times when I would want to eat something or not want to work out.  Granted, I didn't work out every day, but I did increase my level of activity quite a bit.

So...How did I do?

3-Apr: 152.0 (Starting weight)

10-Apr: 150.4 = -1.6

17-Apr: 149.2 = -1.2

24-Apr: 148.8 = -0.4

1-May: 149.4 = +0.6

8-May: 147.8 = -1.6

Overall, 4.2lbs lost!  I will take that! 

This is the lowest I have weighed since July. I am about 6lbs away from my ideal weight which I was at exactly a year ago from today.

I have decided to stick with MFP for awhile longer.  I really like it and it is working for me right now.

I hope all of my WW friends understand that this decision has NOTHING to do with WW. I love, love, LOVE WW and always will. The program works and is amazing. WW changed my life. I lost 68 lbs on WW (well,technically 58 since I gained 10lbs back), and will continue to go to meetings and do my monthly Lifetime check ins.

Does this make sense?

My birthday is at the end of this month and I am running my 2nd 10k that morning to celebrate. I'm super excited. I need to plan an outfit to make it known that it's my birthday! (Can I attach birthday balloons to myself?)

Please, if you read my blog and like it...nag me to post more often. This once a month crap is silly.


Monday, April 16, 2012

Race Recap: Bridge to Brews 10k

As those of you who follow me on Twitter or are lucky enough to know me on Facebook know yesterday was my first ever 10k.

I went back and forth between nervous and excited in the days leading up to the race. Some days I felt confident and ready, and others I felt like I would die before the finish line.  Many of these feelings came when I looked at my running log and noticed that I had only actually run the 10k distance once prior, with several runs just below that distance.  And then all my runs in the week prior were hard on me physically even though they were small distances. 

Packet pick up was on Friday.  I love it when races have free beer at these events!

I love that this was my number. 53 is my fave number and 68 is my lucky number!
 This race had the option of not getting a shirt with registration which is what I signed up for. I kind of regret that decision now. I will be looking into trying to buy one if they have any left.

Fast forward to race day.  I got about 5 hours of sleep. I made a smoothie out of leftover coffee, milk, ice , and a Weight Watchers Chocolate Smoothie mix for my breakfast. I would have liked a banana, but I was all out. While I was getting dressed I kept going outside after each layer until I had enough clothes on to not be cold before the run or too warm during the run. The Man got quite a good laugh out of it.

I got to the Max station just as the train I wanted was pulling away which meant I had to wait a half hour before the next train came. I used that time to pace the platform and stretch. I also took my traditional "look how silly I look" picture.

 While pacing the platform I was people watching and noticed that I was the only person dressed for the race that was alone. Everyone else was in groups of 2 or more.  I suddenly got super sad and lonely. I had told the Man to stay home because I was worried he would be bored waiting around for me.  I tried to self talk myself into not feeling sad, but it only got worse as the morning progressed.

I got to the race just a few minutes before the start time. Rushed to bag check where I found a friend who I knew was also racing.  I lost him in the crowd while I was heading to the Honey Buckets but we agreed to meet after the run so I didn't mind.

By the time I made it out of the potty lines the race had already started. The race was starting in waves and I knew I needed to be in the back of the line since I am slow so it didn't bother me.  I have to say, it was really well organized for such a large race in a small space!  According to my timing chip I crossed the start line about 8 minutes after the official gun. 

If you look closely you can see runners on the middle bridge!
After the first corner was the biggest steepest hill I had ever seen. It was not a good sign for me and I got winded really quickly trying to get up it at a good pace.

After that hill was the first of 2 bridges we crossed.
This is the view from ON the bridge you could see in the above picture

I love running on Portland's bridges. We have so many of them and the views are amazing. I wish I had gotten more pictures, but I needed to focus on what I was doing unfortunately.

This is another view of the 1st bridge

It was right around this area (mile 3ish) that I started to see people along side of the road waiting for their friends/family to pass buy. I saw one guy actually stop to hug and kiss his wife before moving on. It almost made me tear up.

I had over planned my wardrobe and was SUPER hot. I wanted to take off my long-sleeve shirt, but didn't want to stop even more. I ended up folding the bottom edge of my shirt up so my stomach was exposed (but still covered by my light jacket so no one would die from the sight of my floppy skin), and pushing down my knee socks to let my calves breathe. Just about everyone passing me was in tank tops. It was in the low 60's and I would have tripped one of those bitches to steal one of their tanks if I could. (Note to self: Invest in a few of those tanks before your next race!)

When we got into the downtown area, I started to struggle both mentally and physically. I wanted to barf and my head was going into places that I didn't want to be. I needed a cheerleader, and I didn't have one. So I stopped, and sent out a text to Twitter: "2.4 miles to go and I may die..." I was hoping that my Twitter friends would come to my rescue and give me the pick-me-up I needed to carry on. And they did. Almost instantly I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I didn't even need to stop and check what they said...just knowing they were there was all I needed.

The last mile and a half was a lot easier, especially when the 2nd bridge came into sight.

The 2nd bridge - saw a guy puking off the edge of this one...into the river.
Following that bridge was another hill from hell, but I knew that the finish was just around the bend so I pushed thru it.

I crossed the finish line in 1:07:46.  I had hoped to finish in 1:06 but I will gladly take 1:07!

My friend who I met up with earlier was waiting for me at the finish line and it warmed my heart enough to forget about all the faces who I didn't see at the finish line but wanted to. We went off to bag check to retrieve my ID, then jumped into the beer line!

2 free beers!  Yes, please!

We finished those beers, then had 2 more beers show up, then decided that being drunk at 10:30 on a Sunday morning wasn't a good idea so we headed out for some food (and another beer).

I got home to find the Man working hard in the back yard. He didn't care at all that I was stinky and gave me the big "well done" hug that I needed. He followed that by telling me he was sad he missed the race. If I wasn't completely dehydrated, I would have started crying. That man knows just what to say to me sometimes. I love him so freaking much.

My heart was still hurt from the feelings I stirred up while running, so I thanked all my Twitter friends for their support then poured out a rant on how lonely my race was. I got a lot of feedback from everyone that made me feel a lot better (not completely better tho).

I need to remember that I race for me, and not for glory. I also need to remember that some people are just assholes.

After a long shower, fresh change of clothes and about 80 glasses of water I got a text from the friend I saw at the race asking me to be his "race buddy". I guess he is tired of racing alone too! He has already emailed me several races to sign up for that he is doing and told me to send him any I wanted to do for him to sign up for.  I am SO excited for all of these races now, knowing I don't have to do them alone!

Stay tuned....lots more race recaps will be coming in the next few months as my racing schedule is now FULL!  :)


Monday, April 9, 2012

Mixing it up a bit...

My super husband has been using MyFitnessPal for the last few months to track what he is eating. He has lost nearly 30 lbs and I am SO proud of him. He is about 15 lbs away from his goal and working really hard to get there.

Naturally with me being an avid Weight Watcher and him doing his thing (which is cool, not all plans work for everyone) there have been some bumps along the way.

For example, over the weekend we had the following conversation:

Man: I have 784 calories left for the day, what can I have for dinner?
Me: I have no idea. I don't think in calories, I think in PointsPlus.
Man: Okay, well how many calories are in a PointsPlus.
Me: I have no idea. Weight Watchers doesn't use calories to calculate PointsPlus.
Man: Oh...well...that sucks...and is really not helpful for planning meals.
Me: Tell me about it.

This got me thinking. 

The Man and I speak a different language when it comes to our 'diets' and that kindof stinks. 

Also, I have been in a rut for the last few months with my weight. I am still under goal, but I have been struggling to lose my 8 lb "buffer zone" I had created for myself that I gained last May.

I have been struggling with motivation to lose the extra pounds and have been only able to maintain my focus for about 3 days before I dive head first into a vat of frozen yogurt.

Thinking about all this helped me to decide to give MyFitnessPal a try.  I talked to the Man about it and we agreed that maybe a month of tracking calories would go me some good. 

Not to say Weight Watchers isn't amazing and that I will turn my back on it. That won't happen AT ALL! 

I just need something new and different to get me to where I want to be. Plus it will be a nice challenge to put myself in the Man's shoes for a while. I will gain some perspective on the value of a calorie and maybe I will discover that I do in fact eat WAY to much fruit.

Day 1 of MFP is almost complete and I can tell already that it will be a challenge. I had to log out of Weight Watchers entirely because I was comparing them. (I consumed 2/3 of my calories for the day by lunch, but had only eaten 9 Pt+...that was a BIG blow.)

(If you are on MFP, come find me! My user name is SuperRizzle.)

I will let you know in a month how things went...

...Oh, and I have my first 10k on Sunday...Totally not prepared...Ugh...

Friday, March 23, 2012

Shamrock Run 2012 Recap

Last year I ran the Shamrock Run 5k, and had a blast. (Read about it here)

This year I decided to up the challenge. My original plan was to run the 15k, but after a lot of thought and several drafts of a training plan, I decided to run the 8k instead.

I signed up in early January, did the math, and figured out how much running I would have to do to get ready in time. Now, when I say "did the math" I want you to know, that in my head 8k translated to 6.5 miles. So that is what I trained for. (Yea, 8k is actually 4.96 miles...I am very stupid...)

Luckily winter started out really mild here in Portland so I was able to do a lot of long runs outside. I pushed each weekend run a little longer outside to get more distance and closer to the 6.5 mile mark. I figured once I had the distance down, I would be fine. I was in no rush to win the 8k, I just wanted to finish!

I found out a few weeks before the race, just after my first ever 6.5 mile run, that an 8k isn't actually 6.5 miles and that I would only need to run 4.96 miles. I was SO excited!  I could run 5 miles easily! I could actually focus on speed and not stopping for walk breaks! 

I did my usual pre-race ritual of getting my clothes ready and in a pile on the couch the day before the race. And like usual, I laid in bed too excited to sleep and worried that I would over sleep my alarm.

I didn't wear the shirt. I wore something else. Green isn't my color.

I dozed off eventually and at 6:02 my eyes flew open in a panic wondering why my alarm hadn't gone off. (I set my alarm for 6:04 so, it went off 2 minutes later.)  I braided my hair, got dressed and the Man and I were out they door right around 7.

We took public transportation to the race because there is no way in HELL that we would be finding parking downtown.

The 8k was scheduled to start at 8:25. We got there just after 8. There were some delays due to Amtrak, so we had to stand in the cold rain (much better than the snow that was predicted) until almost 8:45 before it was even my turn to start.

I was so excited to get running because I was so cold. I knew once I got going I would get warm quickly.

The race itself went fantastic. I didn't feel the urge to stop. I really wanted to run faster but there were SO many people I couldn't get a clear path. (Why the HELL do people stop to walk as a GROUP in the middle of the road? Please, GO TO THE SIDE! Let the runners PASS!)

The night before I memorized the course so I knew that there would be a steep uphill the last mile, followed by 2 turns then a steep downhill to the finish. Knowing that the finish was at the bottom of the hill kept me running up it. I looked at my Garmin on the downhill and saw that I was doing an 8 min mile and actually laughed out loud. When I turned the last corner, I aimed myself for the left side of the road because I knew that is where the Man would be waiting with the camera. I gave him a HUGE grin when I saw him, and then some bitch ran in front of my ruining the picture.

I crossed the finish line in exactly 54 minutes! 6 minutes faster than my goal of 1 hour! I was wet and only a little tired. As I went to find water I tried not to be upset because I felt like I should have pushed harder. I was barely out of breath and I felt like I could keep running.

I snapped out of that quickly, put a smile on my face, and met up with the Man and headed for the beer garden for my free beer and chowder!

After I chugged that beer down, we headed to our fave breakfast place so I could eat my weight in blueberry pancakes. I then went home, showered and took a LONG nap.  Spent the rest of the day on the couch doing homework.

I still feel like I should have pushed harder. My muscles weren't sore at all the next day. I am a little disappointed in myself which I shouldn't be. I ran a mother effing 8k! Next year I will be doing the 15k. No ifs, ands, or buts about it!

Oh, and I may have signed up for a 10k in 3 weeks...Bridge to Brews

And I may have my eye on a half marathon in June...or I could puss out and just do the 10k version of that race. We will see.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Running my way

Two of my own personal struggles in life are comparing myself to others and worrying about what others think about me.  I do it all the time in all aspects of my life.

I don't think that I will eliminate this type of thinking completely but in the last few days I have removed it from one portion of my life.  My running.

Here's a little background:

I think I may have only started running because that is what all my online friends were doing.  I don't really remember what motivated me.  I do know that I hated it.  I hated it, but oddly I kept at it and wanted to be better at it.  All my friends were running 5k's so, dammit, I was going to run 5k's too!

I started the Couch to 5k program, signed up for my first race, got about 6 weeks into the training and quit.  Walked 80% of my first 5k and was ashamed of myself. But I kept signing up for races and I kept running, albeit on a random basis. For 2 years I never ran more than a mile without stopping and I never ran more than 3.2 miles at once. 

In September I ran the Race for the Cure and only walked twice.  That was a record for me.  I also ran that race faster than any other I had done before.  It turned a light bulb on in my head and made me want to run even more.

When I signed up for the Shamrock Run in March of this year, I set my goal to be the 15k but quickly realized I didn't have the time or motivation to train that hard, so I settled for running the 8k.  In my head, that translated to 6.5 miles.  I don't know why I thought it was that long...I am not very bright, I guess.

All of my runner friends run several times a week and they run long distance.   On Twitter I see updates like "XXX just finished a 200 mile run in 86 minutes and felt GREAT." It would make me feel like crap every time.  Why can't I run that far or that fast? Why am I not that amazing?  Why am I only running 3 miles in 45 minutes once a week and calling myself a "Runner"?

That guilt actually got me motivated to run more, so I guess it worked.  I bought all the running gear I could get my hands on -- GPS, compression pants, cold weather gear, warm weather gear, iPod running apps etc. Each time I would go out for a run, I would push it a little further when I felt like walking.  I noticed that if I ran slower, I can go longer without stopping.  The first time I ran for 3 miles nonstop I averaged a 13 minute mile.  I cried big fat proud tears of joy when I got home.  When I bragged about my run, I only said how far I went...not how fast. I didn't want anyone to know that grandma's could walk faster than I run.

Since that run, I have managed to push myself to 5 (almost 6) mile runs outdoors without stopping, and 3 miles on the boring ass treadmill.  I finally love running.  I feel so much better after I pound out some miles.

On my last run I let my brain wander and I thought about 2 people that I really look up to regarding running.  Both of them run long distances on a regular basis.  I automatically assumed that they run them quickly and without stopping. I learned recently that both of these things wasn't true about them.  It really blew my mind.  Why had I wasted so much mental energy berating myself for not being as good as I thought they were? Why was I only getting satisfaction when I did something better or equal to someone else? The act of running brings me so much joy, why do I let others squash that joy by comparing my success to theirs? My running, is MY business and no one else's.  I run for ME. No one can bring me gratification from my runs but ME so therefor I really need to only be concerned about how I feel.  From that moment on, I decided that I needed to reframe my thinking.

When someone jumps on the treadmill next to me, I try not to glance at their feet anymore to see if they are running faster than me.  I try not to make a mental list of who started running before/after me to see who stops first. When I see other runners outside I don't adjust my form or go faster until we cross paths (yes, I still wait until they can't see me if I want to take a walk break...). When I run past the freeway I don't wonder if the people in the cars are looking at me and thinking negative things about how slow I am. Instead I think that maybe that person is wishing they were out running too. When I see a friend ran 10 miles, or ran a 7 minute mile, I refuse let that make me feel like less of a runner. 

I am a runner.  I am amazing.  I can do anything. And I my opinion is the only one that matters!
Now, my friends, I want to leave you with a quote that has really inspired me lately. It resonates with me in a lot of ways, and I hope it does the same for you.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.
~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Random post about my husband...

So, this is totally random, but I wanted to share how hilariously perfect for me my husband is.

We have been together for 6 years, and married for 5 of them. He is super great.

Anyway, his job is aweful and it stresses him out a lot. He calls me frequently just to talk to me until he can relax. A lot of times I can't come to the phone or I don't have time to just chat.

So for Christmas I got him a cute picture frame that he could put on his desk to remind him of me and help cheer him up.

Due to some shipping errors and delays the frame didn't get to my house until recently.  (If you follow me on Twitter, you may recall some crying and cursing regarding USPS right around Christmas...This was why.)

I had had some pictures printed of us that he could chose from to put in the frame.

Here were the options I gave him that were taken on our 5th anniversary trip to the Oregon Coast (our favorite place)....

Some from my birthday party back in May...

Pictures of us from Disney last year...

Instead of those options he picked this one....

...I love that man.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2011 In Review & 2012 Goals (Updated...)

Now that we are a few days into 2012 it is time to wrap up 2011 and start making plans for the next few months.
In January of 2011 I came up with a short list of things I wanted to do during the year.  Lets see how I did...

#1) Maintain a B average (3.0 GPA) - DONE!!  Actually got straight A's and a 4.0 GPA

#2) Maintain my goal weight and weigh in at a Weight Watcher's meeting once a month.  - Semi-done and done. I weighed in every month and got my gold key in December for 12 consecutive weigh-in's.  It just so happened to be on the same day as the launch of the new Points Plus 2012 program so I got a lot of stuff that day!

Regarding my weight...well...I stayed a Lifetime member by not going over my goal weight more than 2 lbs.  Yep, that is ALL I accomplished.  I should be happy about that, but I am not.  I am 10 lbs heavier than I was at this time last year and that sucks.

#3) Shamrock Run in March  - Done

#4) Go to Seattle with friends in February - See #5

#5)  Take my husband to a fancy restaurant for his birthday and wear something tight, short, and sexy in March. - Combined his birthday and the Seattle trip into one big event.
Nothing says "classy" quite like a drunken photo of your reflection in an elevator door!
 #6)  Show my mom around town and party like I am not turning 27 for the 3rd time in May. - Done!

#7)  Starlight Run in June. - Not Done (Did a different race instead)
#8)  Celebrate one year at Lifetime in July. - DONE!! Wore a super short skirt to my meeting!

#9)  Portland to Coast in August. - Done!

#10)  Race for the Cure in September. - Done!

#11)  Something super romantic for my 5 year wedding anniversary in October. - Not done.  We went to the Coast.  It was cold. And raining.

I got a lot done that wasn't on that list too! Went to the Bruno Mars concert and got to meet him. Went to see my girl Britney Spears in concert. Completed a an additional 5k in May (Race for the Roses) and April (Race for the Roses). And signed up for a gym membership.

Overall it was an okay year.  Not the greatest, but not the worst either. If 2012 was a repeat of 2011, that would be okay with me.

But, in an effort to make 2012 are some monthly goals for myself.

2012 Goals:

1)  Get back to my "Happy Weight" and stay there! None of this up and down shit.
2)  Maintain my 4.0 GPA
3) Run the 8k Shamrock Run (not the 15k like I really want, I am just not ready...maybe 2013) - March
4)  Race for the Roses 5k- April (Found out they have a 10k...thinking on this one...)
5) Personal - May
6) Portland to Coast - August - Maybe...I don't have a team this year.  I need to find one
7) Race for the Cure 5k - September
8) Graduate from College - December
9)  Go to Cleveland for Christmas - December
10)  Race for the Cure - September
11) Blog at least once a month
12) Finally convince the folks at Weight Watchers to fly me to New York and make me an official Success Story. (yea,yea, this one is a LONG shot...but a girl can dream, right?)

13) Attend a Weight Watchers meeting AT LEAST once a month, earning a new Key in December.

Well, that sums it up for now!

Here's to making 2012 a great year!

I Believe!! (Do you?)