As those who follow on Twitter already know, the purchase of our dream house fell through in the final hours. I'm not going to go into detail about it because I just don't want to. I've dealt with those emotions and moved on. Nothing can be done to change it or make it better, it just is what it is. We are currently living in the master bedroom of my Mother in Law's house which I am eternally grateful for. We plan to start looking for another house in January when things calm down. (I had a full plate of Eggs Benedict with hash browns for lunch and a Kit-Kat bar for breakfast if anyone feels like calculating my day out in it's entirety.)
Because I am huge on routine, and we are still living out of boxes and suitcases I have been using that as an excuse to just put whatever food I can find into my mouth. I am now 2.5lbs into the "Overweight" category of my BMI and 2.5lbs above my Lifetime weight for Weight Watchers. Which puts me a grand total of 9.2lbs above the weight I am comfortable at. I hate it. I officially feel gross. My pants are tight. They zip and button, but it isn't flattering. I'm self conscious and uncomfortable. I'm unhappy with my naked self.
And then last night....it happened....
I ate an ENTIRE Large Pepperoni pizza from Papa Murphy's. By myself. I ate it so fast and with such fury that my wonderful husband didn't have a chance to grab a piece and was forced to make himself a separate dinner as I ate ours in its entirety. For those of you interested, I ate 74 Points Plus worth of pizza in under 10 minutes and I washed it down with a beer.
I am now humiliated and horrified by my behaviour. This HAS to stop. And it HAS to stop now.
I have made fake-ass attempts at getting back on track for the last few weeks. The first week I tracked one day, the second I tracked 3 days, and last week I tracked 1. I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in a month.
In 32 days I get on a plane and fly home to Ohio to see friends and family whom I haven't seen in years. Last they saw me I weighed about 175. Impressing them with my skinny-ass isn't important. I just want to FEEL good about myself in my clothes. After a week in Cleveland we are taking a road trip to Disney World where I want to walk around feeling great and eating what I want without guilt.
I have spent most of the day going back and forth between thinking about homework and thinking about how chubby I am and have come up with the following plan:
- Lose 8lbs by the time I step on the plane on the 21st. That's 5 weeks/32 days away. 1.6lbs per week is doable and healthy. (It would be 1.84/week for the 9.2 but that just seemed scary.)
- Track EVERY DAY - no excuses and honestly
- Do some sort of activity EVERY DAY - no excuses
- Find workout videos to do on the internet
- Since my Garmin is lost in storage - map our a walk/run route in the neighborhood
- I wrote on my hand the number of pounds I want to lose in a Mickey to keep my mind on my goals. (Likely moving it to my wrist as it is drawing unwanted attention from coworkers.)
- Thanksgiving can kiss my fat ass. I can eat that junk any time of the year so there is NO reason to overindulge. I will have small portions, drink responsibly, and pass on the pumpkin pie (yuck!).
- Other events coming up I have to worry about regarding food: Graduation Banquet, Graduation Party, Work Holiday Party 1, Work Holiday Party 2, Work Holiday Party 3. Individual plans will be developed closer to those event dates.
- Blog weekly about my success/failures.
- Discuss plan with Man & ask him to help hold me accountable.