Running my way

Two of my own personal struggles in life are comparing myself to others and worrying about what others think about me.  I do it all the time in all aspects of my life.

I don't think that I will eliminate this type of thinking completely but in the last few days I have removed it from one portion of my life.  My running.

Here's a little background:

I think I may have only started running because that is what all my online friends were doing.  I don't really remember what motivated me.  I do know that I hated it.  I hated it, but oddly I kept at it and wanted to be better at it.  All my friends were running 5k's so, dammit, I was going to run 5k's too!

I started the Couch to 5k program, signed up for my first race, got about 6 weeks into the training and quit.  Walked 80% of my first 5k and was ashamed of myself. But I kept signing up for races and I kept running, albeit on a random basis. For 2 years I never ran more than a mile without stopping and I never ran more than 3.2 miles at once. 

In September I ran the Race for the Cure and only walked twice.  That was a record for me.  I also ran that race faster than any other I had done before.  It turned a light bulb on in my head and made me want to run even more.

When I signed up for the Shamrock Run in March of this year, I set my goal to be the 15k but quickly realized I didn't have the time or motivation to train that hard, so I settled for running the 8k.  In my head, that translated to 6.5 miles.  I don't know why I thought it was that long...I am not very bright, I guess.

All of my runner friends run several times a week and they run long distance.   On Twitter I see updates like "XXX just finished a 200 mile run in 86 minutes and felt GREAT." It would make me feel like crap every time.  Why can't I run that far or that fast? Why am I not that amazing?  Why am I only running 3 miles in 45 minutes once a week and calling myself a "Runner"?

That guilt actually got me motivated to run more, so I guess it worked.  I bought all the running gear I could get my hands on -- GPS, compression pants, cold weather gear, warm weather gear, iPod running apps etc. Each time I would go out for a run, I would push it a little further when I felt like walking.  I noticed that if I ran slower, I can go longer without stopping.  The first time I ran for 3 miles nonstop I averaged a 13 minute mile.  I cried big fat proud tears of joy when I got home.  When I bragged about my run, I only said how far I went...not how fast. I didn't want anyone to know that grandma's could walk faster than I run.

Since that run, I have managed to push myself to 5 (almost 6) mile runs outdoors without stopping, and 3 miles on the boring ass treadmill.  I finally love running.  I feel so much better after I pound out some miles.

On my last run I let my brain wander and I thought about 2 people that I really look up to regarding running.  Both of them run long distances on a regular basis.  I automatically assumed that they run them quickly and without stopping. I learned recently that both of these things wasn't true about them.  It really blew my mind.  Why had I wasted so much mental energy berating myself for not being as good as I thought they were? Why was I only getting satisfaction when I did something better or equal to someone else? The act of running brings me so much joy, why do I let others squash that joy by comparing my success to theirs? My running, is MY business and no one else's.  I run for ME. No one can bring me gratification from my runs but ME so therefor I really need to only be concerned about how I feel.  From that moment on, I decided that I needed to reframe my thinking.

When someone jumps on the treadmill next to me, I try not to glance at their feet anymore to see if they are running faster than me.  I try not to make a mental list of who started running before/after me to see who stops first. When I see other runners outside I don't adjust my form or go faster until we cross paths (yes, I still wait until they can't see me if I want to take a walk break...). When I run past the freeway I don't wonder if the people in the cars are looking at me and thinking negative things about how slow I am. Instead I think that maybe that person is wishing they were out running too. When I see a friend ran 10 miles, or ran a 7 minute mile, I refuse let that make me feel like less of a runner. 

I am a runner.  I am amazing.  I can do anything. And I my opinion is the only one that matters!
Now, my friends, I want to leave you with a quote that has really inspired me lately. It resonates with me in a lot of ways, and I hope it does the same for you.
 

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

~Thich Nhat Hanh~

Shamrock Run 2011 Recap

As those of you who follow me on either Twitter or Facebook know already, I participated in Portland's Shamrock run on Sunday with KT.

I had originally planned on doing the Shamrock in 2010 but unfortunately my father-in-law passed away the day before the race so running a 5k wasn't really a priority.  I had intended for it to be my first 5k experience, but since I missed it the Starlight Run in May of 2010 ended up being my first.  And I hated it.  I walked most of it with a time around 45 minutes.  I hadn't done a 5k since due to that dismal failure. 

With KT now totally rocking the WW program and working on being more active, I invited her to join me for the 5k since it was a run/walk.  She immediately jumped on the idea and I signed us both up.  I trained semi-hard for the run up until 2 weeks before when I got sick and school started to get overwhelming.  I finally got on the treadmill and went for a pre-race run 2 days before and was slow as hell.  I just resigned myself to walking most of the race and dealing with it later. 

I stayed up until about midnight working on a homework assignment, then crawled into bed where I stared at the ceiling until 2, which immediately turned to 3.  (Ever stayed up to watch Daylight Savings Time happen?  Yea, not as fun as New Years.)  My alarm went off at 6, so with 3 hours of sleep under my belt I grabbed a banana and a plastic spoon full of peanut butter and headed out the door.  (Note:  My last few events, I forgot to eat first.  Big mistake.  I remembered this time...but forgot to mention it to KT as something she needed to do.)

Took some pre-race photos before I left of my awesome outfit too.

I have decided that striped knee socks are my new signature race attire.  I wore them on the Starlight Run, and on the Muddy Buddy, so third time makes it an official tradition!  I have every intention of getting a new pair for each of my future races!

KT and I made plans to meet at a Max station halfway between our houses (since we live 50 miles from each other) and rode into downtown Portland together.

(Right about here is where I would insert a picture of KT that I took at the Max station, but the bitch deleted it without my knowing.  Don't worry, she will pay for her insolence.  With a black eye.)


After a 30 minute ride on the max we walked the short distance to Waterfront Park where the race was starting from.  I had chugged a good amount of water in the car, so I had to hit the Port o'potty pretty bad.  This is where tragedy struck for KT.  She HATES Port o'pottys with a vengeance.  Seriously, it was a big deal for her to have to use one.  The "dirty air" just about killed her and she has sworn off public urination for life. 
 
 

 
We stood and watched the 15k racers start, then I handed her my 'nerd bag' to carry, shoved my phone in my bra, and went off on my own to get into the "Slow-ass Runners" like also known as the "10+ min mile" group.  I stretched while I waited for my turn in the sea of 32,000 other racers in the cold rain. 
 
 

 

(Please excuse the quality of the pictures as KT had the camera and is obviously too pretty to understand how to use the 'anti-shake' function.  All of these pictures are from her walking the same race route that I was running with a half hour head start.)

 

The first mile was a little tough and I took a few quick breaks to walk.  After the 2nd of 3 signs advertising mile 2, I saw a big hill on the horizon and decided to walk up that. 
 
 

I went right back to running the downhills and started to get into a really good pace.  Chugged a cup of water at one of the water stations, which I shouldn't have done.  I never drink while running.

I think KT has the hots for this guy...

 

KT's feet as she walks.  Not sure if she meant to take this or not...

Walkway at the PSU Campus.



The best picture of the Finish Line that KT took.  I am signing her up for Photography classes.

 I started to pass more and more people and I was loving that feeling.  And then in the distance at the bottom of a small hill, was the finish line!  I immediately burst into tears and started running as fast as my body would go.  I told myself I wouldn't stop until I crossed and I didn't.  Stepped over the finish line, stopped moving, turned my head to cough and....
 
...tossed the water I had just drank.  I choked back most of it as I was in a crowd of people and I didn't want to embarrass myself.  I don't know if anyone saw, and I only semi-care if they did.  I pushed myself to the limit, worked hard, and yakked in public.  Nothing wrong with that. 
 
I pushed through the crowd and grabbed an armload of waters and headed back to the finish line to wait for KT to cross. 
 
I ran into an old customer from the restaurant I used to work at and made him take a picture of me. 
 

I loved watching all the people cross the finish line.  You could tell who the old pros were and which were the first timers.  Some of them just crossed the line, and checked their stats on their Polar-fancy-pants watches and strolled off.  Others had friends/family/strangers take their picture in various silly poses to mark the occasion.  It was great fun!
 
Then, I saw KT cross!  She looked so happy!  I am not sure how she felt at this moment but I know I was feeling pretty great FOR her!  Not only was she rocking in my awesome pink 'nerd-bag' she was wearing a size of exercise pants that she chose to brag about on Twitter.  (Hooray for not having an XXL or an XL ass any more!)

We made a random stranger take our picture in front of the Finish Line.  (Which for fun, I put next to a picture of KT and I back in 2008.)

Does any one need more proof that WW works?

We hit a few of the booths for some free samples, thought about standing in the line to get our free beer, but decided against it.  We were soaked.  And cold.  And tired.  So we hauled ass back to the Max to get our cold wet asses into hot showers and get some lunch!

Overall it was an amazing day for both KT and myself!  We totally rocked that 5k!  In fact, we rocked it so much that we are already signed up for 2 more races, with another 7 penciled into the calendar!  (Once a month until December!)

OH, and the BEST part of the event...MY TIME!!!

37:03!!!!!!!!

AND, I made our Leader give us both 5k charms at our meeting on Monday!

And for those of you who made it all the way to the bottom of this post, I have a secret to tell you....shhhh....

My next post will be a GIVEAWAY!!  So stay tuned!!